Almost every week I hear from frustrated parents who tell me about feeling completely worn out by marathon IEP meetings that seem to go nowhere. Usually there are a number of points of disagreement and a pervasive feeling of “us against them”. Often parents report that they feel marginalized or that the observations of private service providers are ignored by school officials. The formulation of meaningful goals and objectives for their child’s IEP is impossible in this continuing battle of wills. The solutions to this problem can be complex and will ultimately be determined by the facts of each case, but from our experience there are some common techniques to address this type of stalemate.
In an IEP meeting when it feels like things are going nowhere, trust your instincts- it is going nowhere. First, identify the stalemate for the group and don’t continue arguments that just foster an adversarial tone. Take a break and/or adjourn the meeting to refocus attention on the primary points of disagreement. When there is a disagreement about the nature and scope of a child’s disability, it is almost impossible to have consensus for meaningful services, goals and objectives. Try to resolve this diagnostic problem first.
Above all, step back and listen. This is the hardest thing to do when there is ongoing disagreement, but without the ability to objectively consider the other side of the issue, resolution is impossible. Without credibility one cannot be persuasive.
In long term complex cases, we sometimes advise clients to stop the meetings until we can help examine the issues, evaluate claims and remedies and develop a roadmap. Without this process, cases continue to be mired in endless meetings that only end when “somebody gives up”. This is not the way to obtain a positive and sustainable IEP process. With refocus and discipline, there is a better way.
